If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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