dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
