Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
