He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
