when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
