I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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