when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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