Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
