Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
