i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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