I want to have your abortion
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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