There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
