Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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