We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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