P.S. I can't hear my feet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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