His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
