Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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