the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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