he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
