I wish I only lived at night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
