Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
