we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
