I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
