so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
