Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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