he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
