He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
