hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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