I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
