hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
