The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
