My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
