he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
