There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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