i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
