I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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