Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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