I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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