It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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