You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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