and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
