Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
