then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
