There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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