phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
