Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
