im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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