I showed him my bush... on skype.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
