I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize