Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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