At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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