I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize