At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
