I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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