this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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