dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She is in my trunk
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
