Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
