I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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