u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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