I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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