I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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