and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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