69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
