I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He felt like a one man threesome
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
