How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
