Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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